Shelley and Mitt:
Banksters & Bedfellows
By Chauncey Roberts
Copyright 21014
Prior to the US Senate race against Natalie Tennant, Republican
West Virginia Congresswoman Shelley Moore Capito and former presidential
nominee Mitt Romney discuss issues close to their hearts.
Shelley: Oh Mitt, I’m
so glad you could come. My campaign
could use a little substance.
Mitt: You mean such
as how I advocated giving the military an extra $200 billion instead of dealing
with the national debt?
Shelley: Exactly.
Mitt: And how my
company forces companies to downsize and be bought up by sharks, close, lay off
employees—and how I’m proud of this gotcha capitalism? Free markets and that sucking sound Ross
Perot spoke about, you know, jobs going overseas?
Shelley: Well I
wouldn’t talk about that before the election.
Ross Perot lost after all!
Mitt: Frankly Shelley,
I don’t give a damn. My friends and I
have been in control the whole time and we’re trying to get back to that point
where bankers got 50% profit of all US GDP in the 2001 – 2008 period.
Shelley: If we can
just stop Elizabeth Warren. Didn’t she
hear that Goldman Sachs runs the planet and must be responsible for ISIS and
everything else?
Mitt: Don’t get too
carried away. We’re planning to allow
the US market to tank in 2016: all the
synthetic financial instruments, and derivatives up by 1000% even since the
90s! There will be widespread depression,
probably riots, unbearable poverty. The
transition shouldn’t be too bad, however, for that population which are already
slaves and don’t know it, busy imbibing that balderdash on Fox News with “boots
on the ground” mentioned eight times per hour.
Shelley: Well even
when the government shuts down it won’t affect me. Last time I was meeting with Netanyahu. He said there’s nothing like having drinks at
the beach in Haifa while oppressing people at the same time! Having slaves and getting an extra $3 billion
annual giveaway from the US is right nice!
Mitt: Don’t call it
an annual giveaway, Shelley. A lot of
those Jewish settlers from the US are psychos.
We don’t actually want them coming back.
Shelley: At least we
still have our psychopathic Wall Street banksters!
Mitt: They have to be psychopathic! Thom Hartmann says in The Crash of 2016
only someone with a personality disorder would sell highly risky financial
instruments to naïve investors who don’t understand the risk. Simultaneously betting against the naïve
investors, including whole countries!
Shelley: That’s
right. Markets tank, banks fail,
megabanks get bailed out, while millions of people lose their homes and
jobs. And a lot of those same American losers
are still watching Fox News, virtually ecstatic in their hatred of Obama, who
even himself told Sarkozy that he speaks with Netanyahu every day.
Mitt: Say, what do
you think of ISIS sending their kids here via Mexico?
Shelley: Well by now
the Fox News/Koch listeners are used to hearing “boots on the ground.”
Mitt: Right.
Shelley: But Mitt
dear, why did you give that news conference (2/6/2003) stating you would not
create coal “jobs that kill people”?
Mitt: I couldn’t very
well point my finger at McDonald’s and Taco Bell, could I? I had to sound a little green, but not you
Shelly. I saw you went to Kyoto out of
misguided support for your coal industry, down to 20,000 employees in West
Virginia.
Shelley: Coal jobs
pay better than minimum wage-leaning jobs at McDonald’s and Taco Bell.
Mitt: Don’t mention
it. We have to keep the minimum wage
down so Wall Street can get nearly 50% of US profits of GDP as with the Bush
Lite years. Did you realize hotel night
auditors make the same amount of money as they did 15 years ago? I just love that! While hotel rooms rates are up 100%! Gosh, it’s a great country!
Chauncey Roberts is the author of Scared of Scorpions: My Year of Hell in the Holy Land (ebook,
Smashwords, 2014), music videos including Palestine,
My Heart (with radio play in MENA
before the Arab Spring), the podcast series The Saga of Lusty Louise, and the short historical video series Building the Case for a War Crimes
Tribunal Against Bush, His Cronies, and Blair.
